DISCLAIMER:  I haven’t done this in so long, I've forgotten!

This is dedicated to funniebones2k who asked if I would write a Christmas fic…I guess this answers you question!  Sorry if I haven't gotten back to you in ages! I promise I will soon! To everyone really!  I will get back to writing JtML! Heh… ^__^

No Red Letters!

A GW Christmas tale…

Chapter One:  Gifts, Gifts, Gifts! Everywhere!  Let's All Drink!

By:  J.B. Santiago

"Rudolph the red nose reindeer, had very shiny nose, and if you've ever seen him, you would think it glo- "

"BANG!" The automated singing reindeer bit a bullet and lost its head.  A long, slender hand brought the impossibly long gun to her lips and blew away the lingering smoke.

"One down, eleven to go…" She muttered, flipping her white-blonde hair reminiscent of those old western movies.

"Oh my God! Dorothy!"

Dorothy Catalonia blinked and raised an eyebrow.  She was face to face with twelve plastic (thankfully not life-like) reindeer, all singing "Rudolph the Red nosed reindeer" in badly dubbed voices. 

"Dorothy! Look! Isn't this just perfect?! Hey! Those singing reindeer are cute!"

Dorothy groaned.  Great, now she was hallucinating about shooting plastic reindeer.  She needed to get out of this department store before she lost it all together.

"Hey Dory, those wouldn't be bad Christmas gifts…" Bethany Montague gave her cousin a sugary smile.  "Ooohh, I get it! You're looking at those reindeer 'cause you want me to buy you them, right?"

That snapped Dorothy out of her 'Christmas-shopping-to-hell trance.  "The only reason I'm looking at those - those things - is because I want to rip of their heads off and jam it down the throats of their makers." She gritted out, loudly enough for several frantic shoppers to stumble into each other to avoid walking near her.

Her cousin looked unfazed.  "Dory, have I told you lately that I think you deter people with that attitude of yours?" With that, Bethany linked arms with Dorothy and began to drag her unwillingly to the next department.  "C'mon, this way to Santa's Village of - "

Dorothy shook out of her cousin's grasp and death-glared her.  "No.  Absolutely not.  No more Santa's Village to whatever! We're leaving. NOW."

Bethany just smiled again and gave her the puppy dog look.  "Dory. Don't be a humbug! We are doing this for you, you know.  You're the one without a present for Relena.  I mean, I thought of all people, you would have picked something up ages ago.  You got her invitation to the Christmas Ball two months ago!  We wouldn't be here on Christmas Eve, if you'd just gotten a present! So you're just going to have to shop!" Bethany finished with a flourish, grinning harder at her obviously-going-through-torture cousin.

If Dorothy gritted her teeth anymore, they would fall out, through sheer pressure.  "Bethany. I. Told. You. I had a present! But that conniving, little, vulgar snip, Duke Graht," she spit his name out (no passers-by were hit), "Gave her the exact same present - this morning!"

"And that's why were here now!" Bethany finished off, cheerfully.  "So lets go to Santa's Village and find Relena a gift!"  She then grabbed Dorothy's arm again and dragged her into the bright colourful place that was Santa's Village of (the name was obscured by a plastic Christmas tree).

There were few times in Dorothy's life where the urge to cry was greater than her self-control.  She was rapidly heading into sobbing-uncontrollably-with-choc-chip-ice-cream territory.  Here she was, a duchess, head of a very, very wealthy corporation, with impeccable breeding and damn fine looks, shopping on Christmas Eve in a department store, of all places.  She cursed all the catalogues and her usual shopping haunts for not being open on Christmas Eve.  She cursed Duke Graht for getting the same Christmas gift.  She cursed the mob of shoppers all trying to find that last minute gift. Most of all, she cursed her cousin for somehow convincing her that a trip to the only department store open in Cinq on Christmas Eve was a sane and reasonable move.  'A little trip, twenty minutes, tops! She says.  Twenty minutes my foot! I can't believe I've spent TWO HOURS in this place!' Thankfully, Dorothy had the good breeding of not screaming this out loud.  She just contented herself with screaming it in her head while thinking up evil, evil ways of disposing her all too cheerful cousin.  'Reminder to self, reduce Bethany's intake of sugar.'

"Dory! Are you listening!? Don't you think my grandma would love this?"  Bethany dangled a pair of earrings at Dorothy's face, making her squint as the bright colours hurt her eyes.

"They're hideous, Bethany.  Will you just help me find a gift for Relena." Dorothy said coldly, squatting away the offensive earrings.  She was about to make a crueller assessment of the jewellery when something caught her eye.  Frowning even more so than before, she slipped away from the clutches of her cousin and managed to remain relatively unscathed as she weaved her way through the myriad of frenetic shoppers.  Reaching her intended target, she could only stare, with her mouth slightly open, all good breeding out the window.

         **********************************

"Your evening gown has been brought up to your room, Miss Relena."

"Thank you, Pagan.  I'm just going to check on how the ballroom is faring.  Here's the cheque for the dress." Relena Darlian handed her wiry butler a freshly ripped-from-the-cheque-book piece of paper.  "Oh, and don't forget this." Relena handed him an envelope as well. "Here's my early Christmas gift, Pagan.  Merry Christmas!" 

Pagan smiled benignly, thanked her and went off to pay the dressmaker.  "Jingle bells, jingle bells…hmmm-hmm…" Relena hummed the rest of the tune as she past caterers and decorators all coming or going to the ballroom at Peacecraft Mansion.  She knew exactly what the ballroom would look like.  She had overseen the whole production.  She smiled to herself.  The annual Christmas Ball really had taken a whole production feel about it.  This year would see everything go back to more traditional-fairytale Christmases - mistletoe hanging under every pillar (where certain perfect soldiers liked to lurk about), a large fireplace (specifically built for this event), the ten-metre tree (real pine, of course) and a present for each of her 150 guests.  The 12-piece orchestra would be playing all the favourite Christmas songs of the guests (who were given a list to choose from with their invitation), there was the five course dinner and compulsory speeches mixed in with Christmas performances.  Yes everything would be perfect.  Relena nodded to a caterer who rushed by before pushing open the heavy mahogany doors that led into the ballroom.

"Yes, absolutely per…" The words died in her throat as she stared at the atrocity that was her ballroom.

White. The Christmas tree had been spray painted white.  That was the first thing she noticed.  Then she saw the all white decorations.  Fake snow.  No fireplace.  No orchestra.  No mistletoe anywhere.  Relena felt suddenly light-headed. Blinking a few times she backed away slowly from the room until she could close the doors in front of her.  She leant her head against the cool wood and counted to ten slowly.  'I did not just see last year's 'White Christmas' decorations.  I am obviously thinking about last year.  "I've been up all night because of those trade treaties I had to review.  I did NOT see last year's decorations.'  Like a mantra, Relena repeated these thoughts over and over in her mind.

"Relena, are you ok?" A voice, not used to asking said.

"Heero! I'm fine.  I think I need to lay down and take a nap."  Relena nodded vigorously.  "Yes a nap, before the Ball.  Good idea."

Heero gave her a look but didn't press the matter.  Instead he said, "There are over 1000 white balls in the foyer.  All have passed security, do you want me send it up to the ballroom?"

Relena missed every thing else he said after 1000 white balls.  "White? Are you sure their white?" Relena's eyes were growing bigger by the second.

Heero felt an uneasy feeling wash over him.  He nodded reluctantly.  "All of them white.  Christmas decorations for the 'White Christmas' décor you asked for." As the words left his lips, he knew something was terribly amiss.  Relena looked as if she had been punched in the stomach.

"White Christmas? White CHRISTMAS?! WHITE CHRISTMAS!?" Everyone in the hallway froze, one of the caterers dropped a dessert spoon; it clanged against the Italian marble floor.  No one moved to pick it up.  Everyone just stared at a side of the Vice-Foreign Minister you never saw in public.  Heero suddenly felt the need to crawl into an air duct but his Gundam training made him stand his ground and face what was beginning to be forecast as Hurricane Relena.

Years of training made him able to hand her a clipboard without shaking.  Relena took it wordlessly, but Heero could tell the winds were reaching critical levels.  "You signed for the 'White Christmas' design to be done by WaJB Partners."

Relena looked down at the piece of paper.  Sure enough, there was her telling elegant signature on the dotted line.  "I - I…" She looked down at the dreaded contract. "It's impossible.  There's no way…" She gave Heero a befuddled look; which Heero took as a sign that the forecast might have been wrong.

Suddenly realising she was standing amid a large group of frozen people, all waiting on her next move, Relena composed herself.  "Yes. White Christmas.  Very good.  Please come with me, Heero."  She said in her most polite tone, giving a sweeping glance around the hallway, as everyone hastily went back to what they were doing before the weather changed.

Now Heero felt the apprehension rapidly biting away at his nerves.  Relena only used that voice when she was trying to contain Hurricane Relena.  This did not bode well for him.  Obviously he was not going to be getting any action under mistletoe tonight…but he hadn't done anything wrong…did he?  While Heero was recollecting all that had happened moments ago, trying to find the cause of Relena's change of state, she was walking briskly to the garage.

"The keys to the Diablo, please." One of the servants speedily handed Relena the keys to her sleek, dark blue car.  "Heero get in."

He was about to object since he was the better driver (though he never told her that) and security had yet to be notified but Relena gave him a scathing look that made him obey.  He was her best security anyway…and her driving wasn't that bad.  Relena revved up the engine and darted out into the driveway, narrowly missing the five other luxury cars and the mechanic in the garage.

         ******************************

"Welcome to the City of Cinq.  We at Cinq Airlines hope you've had an enjoyable flight and wish you the Merriest of Christmas' and the Happiest of New Year's!  We wish you a merry Christmas, a merry Christmas, a merry Christmas  - " and on and on it blared on the speaker system in Cinq Airport.

"A bit of overkill, isn't it?" muttered Hilde Schbeiker-Maxwell.  She turned to her husband, only to find him singing (very loudly) along with the speakers.  She rolled her eyes at her extremely cheerful Duo. 'How can he be so happy after a 26hour flight?' she wondered, before taking him by his sleeve to the luggage area.

"Oooh! I love this song!" Duo exclaimed about to belt out 'Rocking around the Christmas tree' when a representative from Cinq Airlines got everyone's attention.  Hilde thanked her luck, one more out of tune song and she would have had to resort to violence.

"Ladies and Gentlemen.  Cinq Airlines would like to express our deepest apologies for the delay in your luggage.  There was a terminal mix up in L2 and L3."

A voice of discontent rippled through the passengers assembled in the baggage area.  'What?! I need my bags!'  'I've got presents to give!'  'I can't believe this!' 'I knew I should've flown with Atlantas!'; were some of the nicer comments.  Hilde looked nonplussed and just continued to watch the rep as he tried to calm the masses.

"Please! Everyone, please calm down! Cinq Airlines knows of the inconveniences that this causes to everyone.  Please we are doing the best we can to get your luggage to you as soon as possible!"

This caused more disgruntled voices, but the representative pushed on.  "Therefore, can I have two lines at the counter, one for local passengers and one for international passengers.  We need all contact details so we can send you your luggage straight away, free of charge!"

A mad rush to the counter caused some minor bruising but most people had the patience to stand in line.  "Want me to get some refreshments, honey?" asked Duo, taking happy shots of people in the international line.

"No thanks, dear." Hilde replied, wrapping her arm around Duo and handily taking the camera from him.  "Save some for the ball, dear."

She sighed, thinking about her luggage.  She was glad she had put the presents in their carry bags and not in the luggage.  Her ball dress was in there, though.  'If I don't get my luggage by tonight, then I'll just have to buy something.'  She frowned, she had been saving that dress for a special occasion and now…

"Hello ma'am, sir.  Sorry for the delay, can you please fill this out?"  The lady behind the counter (her name tag said Holly) gave them a tired smile.

Hilde smiled back and she filled out the form quickly and handed it back.

"Ok…Hilde Schbeiker-Maxwell and Duo Maxwell…Ah yes, here it is.  You're in luck your luggage is already on the way, on flight 359, arriving at 5pm."

"Really? That's great!" Hilde nodded gratefully; the ball started at nine.  If her luggage arrived at Peacecraft Mansion (where they were staying for twelve days, at Relena's insistence), at 6pm, that would give her at least three hours to prepare.  Perfect.

"We'll send you your luggage as soon as it lands, to - " Holly read the address, Hilde had written on the form.

Hilde nodded 'yes' in confirmation, wished Holly a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (Duo gave her a candy cane he found in his breast-pocket); they left the airport in a limo that was waiting for them and they headed towards Peacecraft Mansion.

         ***************************

Midii Une switched off the complimentary airline headphones just as Frank Sinatra reached the final verse of 'I'm dreaming of a White Christmas'.  She glanced out the small shuttle window before looking at the empty seat beside her and sighing.  'Nanashi has been gone for a while now.' She thought before correcting her self, 'Trowa.  He's name is Trowa now.' Through pure luck she had met Catherine Bloom who had introduced her to Trowa - the boy she had long ago fallen in love with.  The feeling hadn't changed and it had been a slow and sometimes painful progress but they had been dating for one month now.  He had invited her to accompany him to this Christmas Ball to meet his friends, which was a sure fire sign that he was serious, right?  Midii shifted uncomfortably in her seat, thinking that who ever designed these seats were trying to create the ultimate discomfort for the sitter.  Catherine was in first class, on the fortunate fate of the airline overbooking and running out of seats in economy.  At least it gave Midii more time alone with Trowa, even though she would have gladly liked to talk to someone right now.

"Where are you, Trowa?" she murmured to herself. 

"Mummy I think I'm going to be sick."

Midii's eyes opened wide as she heard the sound of vomiting in the seat in front of her and the smell of regurgitated roast lunch began to waft towards her.  Midii rushed to her feet, bumped her shin on the drinks trolley and walked as fast as she could down the narrow lane towards the toilets.  She was about to knock on the toilet door when she heard a thud followed by a noise that sounded like a groan. 

"Oh yeah…" More muffled voices came through the door.

Midii raised an eyebrow and uncontrollably leaned closer to the door.  It didn't sound like someone was getting hurt…

"Midii?"

Midii jumped backwards hitting the taller Trowa in the noise with the back of her head.

"Trowa! Are you ok?! I'm sorry!  I didn't mean that! I thought you were - nevermind." She said in one breath, looking up concernedly at him, her face tinged red.

Trowa nodded, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.  "It's ok.  Nothing broken." He gave her a small smile, which visibly relaxed the anxiety inside her.

She smiled coyly at him.  "Oh really, now? Let me see that."  She raised her hands to him and he dutifully bent his head done.  "Hmmm…it looks like it needs some attention, come with me."  She led him to the empty bathroom next to the first one making noise.  Trowa looked at her curiously as she had a very serious expression on her face.  "Sit."  Midii pointed to the closed lid toilet.  "Now let me check that no extensive damage was caused."  She cupped his head in her hands and he looped his around her waist.  She was standing between his legs since the bathroom was designed for one person only.  She couldn't have planned this better; silently thanking the people in the bathroom next door for the idea, she proceeded to give Trowa a serious expression, mock examining his face.

"Hmmm…I have the perfect cure." She said in a teasing tone.

"And that would be?" Trowa was going to like this game.  Midii leaned in and gave his nose a soft kiss. "Ah, yes that is a good cure…but I think I hurt elsewhere."

"Really? And where would that be, my good patient?" Midii ran her fingers lightly across his hair.

"You'll just have to find out." And they both had the grin of kids getting to open their presents early.

         Five minutes later…

"Umm…excuse me? Hello?  Please open the door, my daughter is throwing up and she needs to use the bathroom."

"Ma'am? Excuse me.  Hello?  Anyone in there?  Call Noel.  Tell him to get the master key, we need to open this bathroom.  Sick kid!"

A scrambling was heard inside the bathroom; the flight attendants, the sick kid and her mother all heard sounds of people trying to move in a cramp space.

Midii stuck her head out the bathroom, just as Noel (one of the flight attendants) returned with the master key.  "Umm…"

"Excuse me!"  The mother pushed Midii out of the way only to come face to face with a dishevelled Trowa.  The mother gaped at him and her little daughter chose that moment to throw up all over the front of his jeans.  Midii felt everyone's eyes on them and blanched as the smell of vomit hit her nose again.

         ******************************

Wufei Chang watched with a critical eye as the Christmas dancers pranced around the ballroom to the tune of 'Joy to the World'.  He had volunteered to work on Christmas Eve and Lady Une had made him head of security at the annual Christmas Ball.  It all worked out nicely for him, he hated the whole Christmas cheer and excessive jolliness and being head of security allowed him to avoid going and dancing in the actual ball.  He would be sitting in a comfy leather chair surrounded by video screens in one of the upstairs rooms of Peacecraft Mansion with a hot cup of coffee.  He frowned slightly, thinking that his work partner, Sally Po would be off duty and attending the Ball.  He cringed when he thought of her dancing with some oafish man, but it was her fault she didn't want to work tonight.  And he had asked her nicely too! 

"It's a very uplifting song, isn't it?"

Wufei blinked out of his reverie and turned to who said that, mildly surprised that she was there.  "A little early, isn't it, Sally?"

Sally smiled, her blue eyes twinkling.  "I just thought I'd see how security was going."  She flicked away some of the fake snow on her shoulder, that had blown over to them when someone had opened the balcony windows.  "Isn't this the same decorations they used last year?" She shrugged, not really minding since her dress would look great against a white background.  'More opportunity to tease Fei.' She smiled again at her partner.  "Sure you won't come to the Ball, Fei?  An hour won't kill you."

Wufei vehemently shook his head.  "I said last year's Ball would be my last one.  No more. Ever."  The events of last year's Ball still bore fresh wounds on his mind. 

"Oh come on, Wufei.  No one's asking you to dress up, this year."

"I said no woman!"  He glared at her and Sally just gave him a look reserved for little children.

"Fine Wufei." She said in an affected tone.  "Here.  Just in case I don't see you tonight.  Merry Christmas."  She pulled out a small wrapped box out of a bag Wufei hadn't noticed she was carrying and gave it to him before walking out the double doors of the ballroom.

Wufei watched her surprised, looking at her figure before looking at the wrapped box.  He swore to himself.  Sally had given him a present! Damn that woman!  Hadn't they both agreed NOT to give each other presents?  Well he had agreed not to give presents…especially after last year's debacle.  The cheerful Christmas wrapping stared up at him accusingly.  Growling, he motioned to a Preventer standing guard at the balcony door.  "I'm going on break.  I'll be back in ONE hour.  No one is to enter the ballroom, unless they are on this list."  Wufei handed the Preventer a palm pilot.

"Yes, sir!"

Wufei saluted and pocketed Sally's present, making his way quickly down the hallway and out to the gardens to his car.  "Silly woman." He mumbled to him self, as he drove slowly down Relena's driveway.  Now he HAD to get Sally a present.  He was about to turn into the main street, only to slam down on his brakes.  Before him was a devastating accident.  Police everywhere.  Wufei hastily got out of his car and walked calmly to one of the policemen.  "Preventer Chang.  What happened here?"  He coolly surveyed the carnage.

The policeman stared at his upheld badge suspiciously before nodding.  "Haven't seen this sort of devastation in my 25 years in the force.  The guy just lost control."

"No ambulances?"

"No one was seriously hurt but all those kids are definitely not going to get their Christmas plushies, that's for sure."

Wufei nodded blankly, still watching police trying to clear the road of people who had ruthlessly attacked an overturned toy truck full of the newest kid's plaything - the miniature Mad-nug spin top.  Wufei shook his head.  Kids these days…what next? Yellow fighting monsters?  He shuddered to think.  He could see traffic piled up past the horizon.  There was no way he could drive to the city.  Getting back into his car he backed away from the main road and back to Peacecraft Mansion.  He had seen a scooter in Relena's garage…

         ******************************

"Uh, I'm sorry ma'am but this is the wrong doll."  Quatre Winner smiled apologetically at the sales assistant, who promptly melted on the spot.

"Huh? What? Oh, really sir?! I'm so sorry, let me get the right one! Be right back! Don't go anywhere!" She blubbered, stumbling back into the storeroom to retrieve the right gift.

Quatre sighed.  He wasn't even Christian and he was celebrating Christmas.  After some of his sister's had converted to Christianity and had children who all wanted presents from their favourite uncle, the Christmas season had taken a whole new meaning.  He had to get gifts for everyone.  Even the ones not Christian!  If he got a gift for one sister and not the other…Quatre shuddered thinking about the last time that happened.  His kind personal assistant had gotten most of the gifts (he had his sisters tell him exactly what they wanted, he couldn't take anymore guessing wrong) but he hadn't wanted her to be working on Christmas Eve so he told her that he would get the last few gifts at Cinq's biggest (and the only one opened on Christmas Eve) department store (his assistant had given him a pic of each present to get and where to get them).  He was beginning to regret that decision as time went by and he hadn't gotten one gift yet.  Quatre looked at the picture of the doll he was supposed to get his niece (his fourteenth sister's) and the doll on the table.  Their faces looked the same, except the doll had blue eyes instead of green.  Would his niece notice?  Could he take that chance with a gift?  He contemplated it before dismissing the thought. 'Better be safe than sorry.' Quatre nodded to himself, looking around the doll section of the department store.  A little distance away he could see a huge sign saying 'Santa's Village of - " the last part being concealed by a plastic Christmas tree.  A tune was playing over the department's speakers, it took him a little while to realise they were playing 'Oh Christmas Tree.'

"Here sir!  Is this the doll you wanted?  It's the last one left." said the flushed sales assistant.

Quatre looked at the picture than at the doll.  "Yes," relief evident in his voice, "This is the one.  May I have this wrapped up?" He handed her his platinum credit card to purchase the doll.

The girl vigorously nodded, "Of course sir! …But I don't - this section doesn't wrap presents." She sounded very disappointed.  "But I can direct you to the gift wrapping department!"

Quatre smiled pleasantly at her and glanced down at her nametag.  "Thank you, Ivy.  That'll be great."

Ivy blushed and gave him directions to the wrapping department.  She looked like she would have given him a guided tour but her supervisor glared at her so she stayed put.

"Left past Reindeer City…into Santa's Village and right at - " Quatre didn't finish his memorizing of the directions when he bumped into someone causing both of them to fall onto the ground.  Packages went everywhere. 

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see - Here let me help you up."

Quatre quickly picked up the girl's dropped packages, hoped his gift hadn't broken and put on his most apologetic smile before he looked down at the girl he knocked down.  The first thing he noticed were the spilt eyebrows and a strangled sound came from his throat, as he dreaded looking further…into light green eyes.  Definitely not the ice blue ones he was hoping/dreading to see. 

"That's ok!  I'm fine!  Thanks for picking up my gifts!" 

'Definitely doesn't sound like her at all,' Quatre mused.  'Unless she was on a sugar rush.' He tried to imagine Dorothy on a sugar rush…

"Umm…are you ok?  Hello?!"

Quatre snapped out of his daydreams as a pale hand waved back and forth in front of his face.

"Oh! Sorry.  Are you ok?"

The girl nodded happily.  Quatre nodded back, the girl's smile was infectious and he smiled back, glad to see he hadn't hurt anyone during this mad last minute Christmas dash.  "Ok then.  I have to pick up a few more things.  I'm glad you're ok."  He waved, wished her a Merry Christmas and continued on his way to the wrapping section.

Standing in line for ten minutes he finally reached the front desk.  Before he could say anything the lady in front said in a bored voice.  "Breakable or non-breakable?"

Quatre looked a little taken back but he took out the boxed doll and showed it to her.  "It's breakable - Oh no!"

That snapped the wrapping lady out of her bored state, as she stared at the gift, Quatre was staring at.  'Weird guy.  Those reindeer don't look broken. He's cute though, with that expression,' she thought.

"That girl!  She must have my doll!  Oh just great!"  Quatre stuffed the box of singing reindeer back into the bag and barged out of the wrapping section.

         ************************

Person who is screaming I'm ALIVE! :

Anywho…the next part will be out in soon, sooner than JtML, I promise! ^_^ …Unless, no one likes this… -_- Oh well!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone!! Oh and R&R, C&C and all that other stuff…I've gotten rusty… ^__^