(Oh! Just one little thing... Trowa fans... Sorry!)

Part 1
 

"Duo Maxwell, Omae wa korosu."

The infamous sentence resounded in the house the pilots shared at least for the hundredth time since the morning, but this time, things were gonna become serious : after having spilled cereals all over the floor("I don't know what happened Quatre, they just jumped !"), badmouthed Releena's hair ("I mean... it's not that she's ugly, she 's pretty... I swear, but she'll be way better with a braid, you know !"), covered the movie everybody was trying to watch with an excruciating chat-non-stop-to-death™, tried to use Wufei's sword as a scythe and... GRAZED WING-ZERO !!!!!! (author : almost faints. Can you believe it ?! ), Duo had now crossed the red line...

"GIVE ME MY SPANDEX SHORTS NOW OR I'LL KILL YOU !!!!!!!!"
"Please... I just wanna try on ! What's the matter ?"
" >_<;  ..."

Heero's eyes turned to slits as he pulled out his gun (author : Wait! wait a minute, where did he hide it ? He doen't have his spandex shorts anymore !) and entered Duo's room. The three other pilots watched him, a bit worried about Duo's immediate future... Actually, the only one to really worry was Quatre : Trowa just wore his usual
cool facade, secretly hoping that Heero would manage to silence Duo and Wufei was grinning like a maniac, considering that all this was JUSTICE and that Duo's punishment would soon come to avenge all the victims of "Shinigami" (At least all those who had seen their beloved katana used like a scythe.) Suddenly they heared Duo
bursting out laughing...

"GEEEZZZZ ! You only have one pair of spandex shorts ! Wooooahahahah !!!"
"SHUT UP !!! give it back ! NOW !

Slightly relieved by Duo's laugh, the three boys (well... Wufei was not exactly relieved !) came to see what could possibly be going on in the room, hardly believing that Heero hadn't kill the american pilot yet... When they caught the scene taking place in the room... Quatre litterally rolled on the floor, laughing to tears, Wufei did the same (except that he manage to stand on his feet.) and Trowa himself couldn't repress a slight smirk (author : Woaw! I mean... TROWA !!). When they managed to regain some composure, they all stared in disbelief at Heero, who was still glaring to death/aiming at Duo's head... in his underwear. Meanwhile, Duo was sitting on the farther edge of his bed, clutching the precious spandex shorts in his (dirty) hands.

"W...Wait a minute... DIRTY ?! DUO ! Show me your hands !"

Duo started wincing, Quatre shook his head in shock, Trowa was now almost LAUGHING [?! °_°; ] (unfortunatly, nobody noticed because what was happening in the room was too serious) and Wufei, whose body had finally give in, was now sprawled on the floor, in complete hilarity.

"Duo.         Show me your hands.         NOOOW !!!"

Duo, who, until now, had been hiding his hands (and the Discord's shorts.) behind his back, held out his hands, still clutching the shorts... Quatre almost fainted as he caught sight of the shorts.

"ALLAH! Duo! What did you have on your hands ?!"

"... ... My snack... Spacenuts crispies and Chocolate sauce... oops!"

Heero's face became unreadable at the sight of his beloved spandex shorts and the chocolate and crispies spread all over the delicate fabric : a mix of shock, pain, fear and... ANGER !!!!

"...  ...  ...  ...  D... DUUUUOOOOOOOOO !!!! I... IWILLKILLYOUIWILLKILLYOUIWIL..."

"W... Wait!! Come on ! Let me lend you some shorts" Duo said handing him a pair of shorts.

Heero locked the door of his room as he changed for Duo's shorts

" What's that stuff !! There's no way I'm wearing this !"  *fumbles in his room* "Where's that damn torture-kit!" " Stay here Maxwell ! GOT IT !!"

Meanwhile, Duo had tried to escape but Wufei had stopped him before he could make it to the door. "trapped" he thought. So he had opted for a desperate measure, he was now hiding behind Quatre, sweet, gentle and caring Quatre... That none of them could dare to hurt, not even Heero. Or could he???

"Get off my way Winner. I will kill him."

"But... Heero, weren't you going to torture him first?" Quatre asked innocently.

Duo sweatdropped. Wufei stopped his laughing for a minute, regaining instantly his composure, somehow managing to hide his impatience at the thought of Heero torturing the "God of mess" to death. Trowa was now grinning widly, still restraining himself from bursting out laughing... (scarry, he ?!) Understanding that Quatre would be totally useless to shield him from Heero, that Trowa was on the verge of breaking down and that Wufei... ahem well, let's just say that he wouldn't be any help in this case (except for Heero, maybe...) Duo decided to face his destiny...

"Heeeeero... What's the matter now? They're the coolest shorts I have, look, it's the genuine smurfs shorts!"

Heero glared at the electric blue fabric with many little things on it, sort of dwarfs with white pants and hats and some even dressed in red with a beard almost bigger than themselves...

"... I suppose it's either this or your priest outfit..."

"..."

"You know, Heero, I think you could look good in blue, I mean... It will match the color of your eyes!" Quatre supplied helpfully.

Heero sent him immediatly his best glare, but it was no use. In his current state, the only emotion he could raise up in his audience was hilarity...

"Maybe you're right, little one, at least, Heero, try these... these... MWOUAHAHAHAH!!!!" Trowa never had the time to finish his sentence, as he was now sprawled on the floor, rolling, crying... "S...Sorry! I can't... It's just...PFFFFF"

Heero quickly pulled out his gun, aiming intently at Trowa's head. No effect. All sweatdropped.

"He shows no fear, remember?" Duo observed. "Maybe you could try again that disgusting 'broken-bones-self-repair' stuff. I'm sure even Trowa would find it sickening!"

At that precise moment Heero wished he could have two guns to shoot Duo too...

It had taken Quatre all his diplomacy and all his patience, but Heero had finally accepted to wear Duo's shorts (Author : MMPPFFF!! ...sorry, blame it on the shorts!). The house was peaceful except for Trowa, who was now in a critical state...
Heero had shown him his 'broken-bones-self-repair', Wufei had lectured him on justice and honnor until he was at loss of words, Duo had told him about his childhood (sniff!) and eventually, Quatre had lost his legendary patience, and threatened him to kill (ahem... 'slaughter') him, getting "THE FACE" in the process...

Trowa was still laughing.

Quatre, who was now back at his normal state was VERY worried about Trowa...

"What can we do now?"

"...Dunno!" Duo answered. He and Heero had finally closed the insane pilot in the bathroom (where he was still laughing his guts out...), mostly because Heero had threatened to "cut his head off with a fork" if the noise didn't stop, and, believe it or not, even Duo had finally found it tiring, as he was now trying to watch a rediffusion of "Shinseiki Evangelion"...

"Heero! Wu-wu! Quattie! Take a look at that!"

"It... it's GROSS... Totally disgusting!" Answered a very shocked Quatre at the sight of an "angel" being methodically cut up by a giant mech, then eaten by the same blood covered mech*.

Heero, on the contrary, was totally engrossed in the concept of mechs that can bleed. "I wish OZ mobile dolls could the same when you slice them..." He sighed, his voice dreamy, unaware that he has said that out loud.

All three gave him worried looks, even Wufei, though he has started to enjoy the show too, at that point. "...And where's the pilot now? Did the justice win?"

"Naaahh, his... uh... Eva has eaten him too... or, sort of!" answered Duo, very concerned.

Quatre was starting to feel queasy, and also a bit uneasy with the thought that Sandrock could "dissolve" him too... "Uh, well, I don't think that we really need to watch that weird stuff... I'm gonna look for a doctor... for Trowa... He has gone insane, remember?"

"MMMMHHH..." Came the reply from the three, now stuck on the couch, pilots.
 

"Don't worry, Trowa, I'll get you a doctor!"

Actually, Trowa wasn't worried at all, the former "silencer" was still laughing a maniacal laugh, he was so out of it that he still hadn't realized that he was locked in the bathroom, secured with Heero's 'ultimate-soldier-gundanium-handcuff ™'

"WWOUAHAH...heeeheehee...AHAHhhh...."

"...Uh... Okay...  o_o; " Quatre managed to answer.

The blond pilot resumed his searching through the yellow pages (Author : "Yes! I assume that even in an alternate universe the yellow pages DO exist!") And, then...

"... Alecian Patrick
     Bach Daniel
     Batman...????
     ....
     ...Casimir... That's it!! Une!!! Midii Une!!!  Psychoanalisis, Psychatry, consulting- hours : 9 to 20, no RDV, and the number iiiiis... 067517932." Quatre squealed in delight.

"Hold on Trowa! I'm calling the doctor!"

(Author : Yes! Hold on Trowa!! This just the beginning! Mwouahahaha!!)  ^_^

He ran to the living room where "Evangelion" was still on (Actually, Wufei had shown signs of annoyance when the episode had ended, and Heero had simply puled out his gun from the smurfs shorts and asked for more. So Duo had have to found an old tape, which had immediatly landed in the VCR...) The three pilots were now screaming at the TV set (Well, mostly Duo...) and throwing pop-corn at the screen (Here again...).

"C'mon Asuka!! Kick his deserving @$$!!!"

"This is gross... I can't believe they let those... those WOMEN pilot such beautiful things!! But still... SHOW HIM JUSTICE ASUKA!!! YEAH!!"

"Shut up you morons. Her mech is cool, but she talks too much. ...Mpfff...prefer Rei..." Muttered Heero.

Duo and Wufei stared at each other for a while before answering like a choir "Heero... Are you
Okay ?"

At that precise moment, Quatre burst in the living room.

"A phone, I NEED A PHONE!! And stop the TV, I can't hear a thing!" With that, he leaned dangerously close to the TV set, pushed slowly with one of his fingers on the red button, and before any of the pilots could react, turned the TV off...

The three newfound couch potatoes blinked at the blond pilot in silence, then glared, then yelled all together. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR, WINNER ????!!!!!!!"

Quatre sweatdropped. "Uh... I was just trying to... call a doctor, you know... Trowa..."

"Let him in the Bathroom, it's not that big of deal." Stated Wufei.

"..." Added happily Heero.

"You know guys, he's kinda right, what if you guys wanna take a shower? I gotta to admit that 'Mr Spock' has suddenly become quite a... uh... disturbing clown!" remarked Duo.

"Yeah... I prefered his 'mute pierrot' state." added Wufei.

"So... Shall I call that doctor now?" Asked Quatre, who was starting to loose both patience and sanity at that point.

"Yes. Proceed." They all turned to see a very concerned Heero (As concerned as Heero can look...) "And..." Silence fell in the room. "And when it's done we can go back watching Re... I mean, 'Evangelion'." All sweatdropped.

"Now! I get to be first to call the doctor!!" Duo yelled.

"Don't you dare put your slimy hands on that phone Maxwell!!! This require somebody serious." Wufei said, Katana in hand...

Unfortunatly, Duo dodged him and before he could use his sword, the braided wonder** was hidden under the table, curled up in a ball and clutching the phone in his 'slimy' hands. Duo started immediatly dialing, trying to see the numbers on the paper that Quatre was holding, from his underlair ground...

The four other pilots had finally given up and decided to let Duo dial (Quatre had been quite persuasive there..."We shouldn't be figting at all!"...etc) Now they all waited anxiously for an answer on the line...

"Beeeeep... Beeeeep... Beeeeep... Beee- S.O.S Oreos'n burger, hello! May I help you?" (What other phone number do you think Duo actually knows?!)

"MAXWELL!!! YOU PATHETIC MORON!!!! YOU DIAL THE WRONG NUMBER!!!" Wufei exploded. Heero was silently pulling out his gun and Quatre was struggling to keep from cooking the american to a pie...

Quatre decided to handle the matter himself. "Listen Duo, give us that phone, we need to help Trowa! And... Anyway, you've already had a snack, remember?"

"I REMEMBER." Heero said coldly.

Quatre and Duo were now fighting for the phone, and a sweet voice could still be heard "Is everything alright ? Mister??"

In the bathroom Trowa was still making scarry sounds, something like a hyena... And Heero was now involved in the 'under-the-table-wrestle'.

"Omae wa korosu."

"I'm Shinigami !! back off! HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!"

And in the phone... "Oh my god! Who's gonna kill who?! Uh... I... I suggest you call back later Mister! (pheewww!)"

Duo had been carefully bound hand and foot to a chair and gagged by Quatre while Heero was holding a rope, tied in a slip-knot around Duo's neck...

Wufei squirmed nervously. "So you guys like that... sort of stuff?"

Heero and Quatre fell (anime style).

"...NO!!!" Heero answered, his face still painfully connected to the floor. Quatre was too ashamed to open his mouth. (Author : And also too spread on the floor...)

"BoNdAgE iS aRt!!!! MwouahahaAHH!" Trowa bawled from the bathroom...

They all sweatdropped before exchanging worried look, if things went on like this, soon even the circus people would be afraid of Trowa. Meanwhile, Duo had started to tap his feet as if to say something.

"Mmmmmhhhnnnhhhmmm!!!!"

"Maybe we could let him talk." Quatre said, with his usual kindness.

"Maybe we could cut his tongue off!" Wufei snorted.

To their surprise, Heero gestured to Quatre to "free" Duo. "What do you want to say." Heero said, casually pointing his gun between The american pilot's eyes.

"Weeeelll... I thought... We should present the new Trowa To Treize... They have a lot in common ya know!" Duo finally suggested.

"Maxwell..."

"Lemme say! I know! I'm-a-pathetic-moron-who'll-soon-be-dead! Did I win?"

"I'll have no more of this!!" Wufei screamed, reaching for his sword.

"Wufei NOOO!" Quatre stood quickly between him and his prey.

"Stay out of my way! Justice is gonna strike back!!"

"No." Quatre was on the verge of getting "THE FACE", This could be a problem, Wufei thought, he needed another strategy.

Wufei was now pleading. (Author : Whooooo!! He must have wanted to kill Duo reeaaaally bad to adopt such a WEAK attitude! <continues her mad rambling, starts to wolfwhistle all alone in her bedroom...>) "Pleeeeeeeezzz Quattie darling! Let me just cut his braid, and maybe one or two fingers... Be nice to me!"

Duo's eyes widened in terror, he didn't know which he loved the most between his fingers and his braid but he was sure that he wanted do keep them both...

"NOW YOU ALL SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!!!"

There was a silence.

There was an even longer silence. Heero stood there, still in Duo's smurfs shorts that had caused Trowa to go insane, gun in hand, and about... to loose patience.

"Now we take Trowa to that dr Midin... Uni... WHATEVER! To that  §&#*%¤ brain-doctor before I shoot you all!!!!!!"

"..."

"..."

"SEE! See what Heero sez' don't you dare touch my braid WU-WU!!!"

"Duo..."

To be continued...
This is the end for part one!
 

Next time in "The nutty silencer" :
The G.W boys go to the "brain-doctor"! Will Trowa heal and be mute and ominous again? Quatre tells the nice doctor about his traumatized childhood <"NOOO I'm not a Barbie anymore!!! I'm a real boy!!!"> Will he overcome his past?? [insert Titanic soundtrack here.] Will Heero shoot the Doctor? Will Wufei cut Duo's braid? Will Duo shut up??

"Hey you! Yes you, the small squirt with a red T.shirt!! Ya know I hear what you said! are you implying that I talk too much??!! DON'T MESS WITH SHINIGAMI, LITTLE THING !!!!"

"Wanna some donuts?"

"..."

"<chomps> I tell you, you're lucky! <chomps> Next time... YOU'LL SEE DEATH!!!... <chomps> Aren't there some chocopuffs left?"
 
 

Personnal notes : Not that much, actually. It's my very first attempt at writing a fanfiction so don't be cruel!
There's no particular warning, except an obvious (and dangerous) insanity! And... Ahem, yes there will soon be a kinda odd (obnoxious?) pairing... see yourself. Not too OOC... I hope.

*Have you seen this episode too? Scarry eh? If you haven't seen it yet, I think it's the #19!
** I've borrowed this from the name of a site I just think it's toooooo coooooool and that it suits perferctly to Duo (Yay!). If the site is yours, E.mail me, and I'd be glad to link to you, and if you don't want the name to be used here, same, and I'll fix it.