Moving On
By
Captain Anonymous


It felt as though it were early, as the haze fell over the cold dark fields. Midii walked forward, looking around, trying to take in her surroundings. The smell of burning wood, and heavy oil filled the air.
It had been a place she had often been. It had a place that she knew well. It was place she never wanted to be, and never wanted to see again.
It was a battlefield.
So open, so cold. The sound of mobile suits, moving in the distance, plowing through the trees. They were human in form, but with the single camera in the head, like an eye forever peering out over the destruction and pain that they had laid to the world around them.
For years had seen this site before, countless times and in countless setups.
The sounds, the smells, it was all so horrible, something she never wanted witness again.

Midii opened her eyes, as she awoke from her dream, with tears in her eyes and her heart racing. She lay back in bed, breathing heavily, peering up into the darkness.
It was all just a bad dream.
She moved her hand, pushing the long strands of blonde hair away from her face, as she looked at the clock.
It was after one in the morning now.
She turned slowly on her side, pulling the covers over her.
She still would have nightmares, those memories of her past, they haunted her deep down inside.
She moved her hand, through the material of the silk sheets, touching her husband, who slept beside her.
There were nights like this, when it all hurt so much.
She could feel Trowa move slightly, turning back on his side towards her.
Trowa slowly opened his hazy eyes, looking at her, seeing the way the pale light shimmered in her tears as they streamed down her face.

Midii could feel his arms as they pulled her close to him, cradling her in his arms, resting his cheek on her forehead.
The feeling of the dream seemed to seep away, as she felt herself relax. The dreams that she had, she knew she would always be haunted by them, by what she had seen. They didn't seem as bad now, or as frequent.
She could feel each breathe that Trowa took, as he held her.
It seemed so peaceful now.
It was when she was with him, with her new family that she finally started to feel as though she were finally at peace.
She had a family now, a place to call home. She felt herself melt into Trowa, as she made herself comfortable in his arms.
Her family, it was what she had always wanted, what she always dreamed of. A place to call home, to feel safe, where she would never have to hurt anyone else ever again.
This was the life she wanted, the life she was content and happy with. The role of a sister, a wife, a mother, it all seemed so perfect to her, being able to take of the people she loved and nurture them.

The thought echoed in her mind.
She thought about her daughter, who slept silently in the next room, curled up in her crib under her pink blanket, clutching her stuffed lion in her small arms.
The thought of all those who died, the pain still lingered in her mind. She always felt that their spirits were still out there.
The Captain, the rest of Trowa's old comrades, Ordway, Coster, the ill fated Task Force 27, they were all gone, but she felt still that somewhere deep inside that their spirits were more at peace with her now.
Part of them were always with her, and somehow help watch over her daughter.
She was able to put the pain of them, the friends, the enemies, their deaths, behind her. She didn't want to live in the past any longer, she knew it would always be important to her and with her, but still, she felt at peace.
That their spirits were at peace, and she could move on.
That would be what they all would want for her, not to linger in the past, and to move on.
She had tried to live since the end of the war and after finding Trowa this way. To live the best life she knew how, nurturing life rather then watching it be taken away.

Midii turned slowly and looked up into the silent darkness. She felt Trowa start to rub her arm, which made her cue softly in approval.
She heard a whisper from the darkness, "Are you still awake?"
Midii slightly readjusted her tired body. "Yeah, it's all right."
Trowa softly kissed the back of her neck. He didn't say anything.
He didn't have to.
"It's going to be all right."
Midii smiled softly, "I know."

--

It was late as Johnnie walked down the silent halls, passing by the numerous doors and towards the main stair case.
His body felt loose, he could feel every step that he took, and every motion he made.

He stood for a moment at the main stair case, looking down the long incline that spread out before him.
He didn't descent the stairs at first, only looking down into towards the bottom.
For a long time, what seemed like weeks, this house had been where he stayed, where he had escaped to.

He started down the stairs, walking slowly down the center of the finely carved wood stairs, each step echoing down the empty corridors.
He thought for a moment about Marlene, who was now asleep in her room.
Johnnie had left her room, since he couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake her, leaving him wandering the empty halls, alone.
It was all so quiet and still.

He had spent the early part of the evening with Marlene. He would spend most of his time in her room, hidden away from everyone else. Maybe this was his sort of exile. He had thought about leaving, going home, going back to see his sister and his brothers, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave here, and go back to face them.
He didn't want to face Midii now.

A few more steps down, nearing the midway point between the top and the bottom of the stairs.

Maybe this would be his life now. He would do his best to leave his past behind, run away from it all, and stay with Marlene.
He loved her so much, he needed her. But still, the guilt inside of him still haunted him; all those horrible memories remained inside of him, still pressing into him.
He thought about Ordway, Lady, Midii, Catherine, the war, the incident, the shot, they all just seemed to blend together in his mind, burning inside of him, it all just seemed so unclear to him.

Almost to the last step.

He wasn't sure exactly in the house he was going, but that really didn't seem to matter. It seemed odd that with just how much time now he had spent in this house that outside of a few hallways and areas, just how unfamiliar he really was here.

He was at the bottom of the stairs.
Johnnie walked alone through the empty main hall, towards one of the wings of the house.
Most of the lights were off, but there was still enough ambient light for him to follow.
As he passed through, he noticed a light on coming from the open door of the study.
Johnnie slowly walked towards the open door, turning his head slightly to look as he passed.
He heard the sound of voices talking, he couldn't make out just what they were saying, but they seemed intent on talking.
His eyes readjusted to the light for a moment.

As he slowed by the doorway, he saw Quatre talking with Rashid.
They both seemed to quietly talking, in an informal manner.
Johnnie looked as he passed.
As he slowly passed by the threshold of light that flood into the dark hallway, Quatre looked up and caught sight of him.

Quatre stood up and acknowledged him. "Hello Johnnie."
Rashid stood silent. Quatre went on, "Come in, I see you're still up."
Johnnie slowly entered the study, and stood silently.
He wasn't sure what to say.

Rashid eyed Johnnie. Rashid, as well as most of the Maganacs, still had a slight distrust of the blonde haired boy. Most really weren't sure what to make of him, or knew anything about him. All they knew was that one day he showed up, and was well received.
Most would have voiced their concerns, but Johnnie had the approval of Master Quatre's sister, which gave him plenty of lead way.

Quatre looked back at Rashid. "I think we've managed to cover everything. That will be all for the night."
Rashid nodded, "Very well, Master Quatre."
Rashid and Quatre spoke for a moment, before Rashid left the room, leaving Johnnie and Quatre alone.

Quatre looked at Johnnie, "Please, have a seat."
Johnnie obliged and sat down across from Quatre.
He took notice of a tea pot on the table and watch and Quatre quietly poured two cups of tea.
Quatre said, "I see that you're up late."
Johnnie nodded, "I couldn't sleep."
Quatre handed Johnnie one of the cups of tea, "I'm sorry that we haven't had a chance to talk lately. My family business tends to keep me busy most of the time."
Johnnie said, "I understand."
Johnnie held the cup in his hands.
Quatre looked at him, "I've very much wanted to have the chance to talk to you more."
Johnnie looked at the tea, "Is that so."
Quatre said, "That's right."
There was always something about the way Quatre talked, with a certain enthusiasm.

Johnnie kept staring into the cup of tea, looking into the dark liquid.
Quatre took a sip of his tea, before going on.
"You're Trowa's brother in law."
Johnnie said, "Yeah, I am." Johnnie said, "You know him pretty well."
Quatre smiled, "Yeah, we met during the war, and have been friends ever since."
"Really?" Johnnie said.
"Yeah. We were both pilots. We both were given the same mission."
Johnnie looked at Quatre, "So you were a Gundam pilot as well."
Quatre said, "That's right. We both came down to Earth at the same time. We fought together."
Johnnie said nothing, thinking about it. It seemed odd, that both Trowa and Quatre were little older then him, and yet they had so much, more then most men would ever do in a life time.
"So, Midii's your sister." Quatre said finally.
"That's right."
"I've only had the chance to meet her a few times. She really seems to be an amazing person."
"She is. She's done so much for us."
Quatre took another sip of his tea, "I never imagined that Trowa would be one to get married. I am certainly glad to see him settle down and start a family."
Quatre looked at Johnnie, "Is that what you want?"
"Hm?"
"Is that what you want to do someday, to start a family?"
Johnnie sat holding the cup, "I never really thought about it."

Quatre said, "It's really a shame that I haven't had a chance to spend more time with you and my sister."
"Really?"
Quatre said, "Yeah. The rest of my family is in the colonies right now, so Marlene is the only other member of my family here on Earth."
"I see."
"Marlene was raised in the colonies, but my father sent her to Earth for schooling. I rarely got to see her as result, until really after the war. I am glad for the time we do get to spend together."
Quatre smiled, "My sister has told me a lot about you." Johnnie forced a slight smile, "Is that so?"
Quatre nodded, "Yeah, she has. She cares a lot about you."
Johnnie looked down. "I care a lot about her."
Johnnie said, "But I don't deserve to be with someone like her."
Quatre looked at his cup of tea, "I know that you make her happy, and that's what really matters."
"I know. But I don't deserve to be happy."
Quatre looked at the blonde haired boy. "I used to think that way."
Quatre spoke slowly, "I know what it's like to have heavy guilt set on your shoulders, and to feel the pain of your actions. You go down your path carrying that burden with you, trying to make up for it any way that you can."
Johnnie listened to the words, letting them sink in.
Quatre went on, "I know hard it can be to let go of the past, and to let it control you. I know that it can hard to break the grip it has over you. But I know that you're a good person, and those people who have been hurt, or have caused you pain can forgive you."
Quatre closed his eyes, "During the war I learned many things. From the people I met, including Trowa. One of those things I learned was to accept my past mistakes. I know there are something's that I can never take back, and it's all right to experience the pain. But you shouldn't let it control you, or let it change who you really are. I know you are a good person, please Johnnie, don't make the same mistakes I made."
Johnnie sat, the words coming over him, like great truth. He almost couldn't take them all in.
Johnnie looked at Quatre, "I'll think about what you said."
Quatre smiled.

There was a sound by the door.
"So this is where you've been hiding." The voice sounded familiar.
Johnnie turned and saw Dorothy standing in the hallway, looking at her husband.
"I'm sorry to be up so late, I was just talking some things over with Johnnie."
Dorothy traced her eyebrow with her finger and smiled at the blonde haired boy. "I see. Well, I'm sure that the rest can wait until morning."
Quatre stood up, "You're right; we can talk more then if you like."
Johnnie nodded, "All right."

They said all good night, and departed from the small room.
Johnnie slowly walked back up the wooden stairs, the sound of his footsteps echoing through the silent halls as he went back to Marlene's room.

--

It was late. Lt. Norton sat back at his desk, looking out through window, out over the lights of the city.
He had come back here after what happened earlier. It couldn't have gone any worse.
He should have listened to the others.
Norton leaned back in his chair. He felt so tired now, but still he knew couldn't sleep.
He had felt this way before, so uncertain, so confused.
She was out there now. He wondered if she thought about him again.
Norton stood up from the desk, and walked out, turning the light off behind him.

To be continued.