I can feel each moment as time goes by

We’d never be to far away

You would always be there I heard you say

I don’t remember much about my childhood, what little I had, but I do remember my fascination with birds, with flight. It seemed at the time to be the most amazing thing, to be totally free of all bonds and restrictions. Then I would be able to be me and me alone. Not a spy, not an informant, not a thief, not what everyone else wants me to be.

That was what I most admired about him, and what I still do admire. He had nothing to tie him to anything. No name, no history, no loyalties. Just himself. He had the total freedom I always dreamed of.

Then he disappeared.

I used to pretend that he would watch over me like the Handsome Prince of fairy tales. I knew you never would. You had your job I had mine. We were on different sides of that hellish war. Could it have been different? We were only 10, but even then we weren’t children. We had been used for too much to have that innocence.

I sigh as I fall back onto my bed, trying to get comfortable in this oppressive heat.

I can still dream can’t I?

I never thought

Thought that it would be out last good bye.

I still can dream

That one-day love will fall out from the sky

It’s been long since the war ended. A long time since I last saw her. Would she still remember me? That nameless boy from her childhood? Do I dare even dream that? We weren’t old and people change. But part of me still hopes that if I ran into her, she would still know me. There is no reason why she would, I just left her. She betrayed us. We were soldiers on opposite sides.

I shrug and stare up at the sky. She loved the thought of flight. A smile touched my lips for an instant. Midii...the things I could show her now…Do you still remember?

Do you still remember all the time that has gone by?

Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?

Of from where you’re standing you can see the sky above

I’ll be waiting for you if you still believe in love

I wish I could bring back that feeling of childhood. When we were young and less jaded. When we still dreamed of loving parents and happily-ever-after. Could I trust anyone now with my heart and soul? Knowing what power it gave them over me?

He could so easily hurt me then, they would be something to use against me, like my family….I don’t want to be hurt again….

She would tie me down, connect me to a place, be a weakness…. I don’t like being trapped….

Find a way to bring back yesterday

Find a way to love.

I hope we stay when tomorrow becomes today

Love will find a way

In a perfect world, I’d be with her now. ..but I know this place is far from perfect. We just fit so well together. My silences didn’t bother her and she gave me a person to be, an identity. Maybe that was all just a part of her act. A way to get the foolish boy to trust her. But she was something to anchor to….I…I loved her.

I’ll be waiting for you in my heart you are the one

If I cannot find you I will look up to the sun

If from where you

If standing you can see the stars above

I’ll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love.

I hope that someday things will work out; that we haven’t lost all hope yet. He could hurt me…but he might love me. I think I just might be able to take that chance. I smile. Love. What a fantastical notion. He was just a childhood crush. I loved what he embodied not him. After all what does a 10 year old know of love? I didn’t even know him…right? I couldn’t love him still. But then why does he still haunt my dreams? It’s been 8 years since we parted as children, 2 since the wars finally ended and he disappeared from my sight again. Again he just vanished. Not exactly dependable, right? Then why do I keep wondering if maybe he’s staring at this very same sky?

Do you believe?

Do you believe?

The thought remains as the night slowly turns to day. Could I still love? Is that another one of those things that I lost during the war? Is there such a thing as love? The soldier in me can’t believe that people that so willing to kill are capable of devoting their whole life to one person, and recent divorce statistics agree with that. There is no such thing as love. No one could ever think of finding a person they trust and who means more than life itself. And there’s another thing; how could I trust her? She has betrayed me before. She was a spy and she still might be. Perhaps they have found another way to manipulate her. There are things too important to risk on the chance that she might not be telling the truth. I could never be sure.

But she did save me. She told me, in the end, everything that was going on. That was more then I did. Maybe…

Do you still remember all the time that has gone by?

Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?

Of from where you’re standing you can see the sky above

I’ll be waiting for you if you still believe in love

A self-mocking smile touches my lips. It’s all just a silly childhood fantasy. So much time has passed with us so far apart. I don’t even know if he’s still alive. But then again, it could hurt to try. I don’t have to hide and lie anymore. Now the war is over and I am free. It is the time to forget the past to create a future. I might be ready to try, if we do meet by some chance. I smile. Who knows?

‘Always follow your emotions.’ The words won’t leave my head. I think I might just have to keep an eye out for her. Maybe she’ll remember me. Who knows?