Dark Memories
by
Captain Anonymous

Trowa sat on the edge of the bed, looking towards the window. The glass was wet on the outside, as the drops of cold water streaked down. They caught the light from the street, and reflected a pale white and red light into the room.
Trowa stared at the droplets, watch as each one went by, almost like tear drops, they fell.
There was no expression on his steel cold face.
He still thought about what Duo had said to him, it just worked its way through his mind, he just couldn’t let it alone, get it out of his thoughts.
It seemed like it had been a longer time since their last meeting, in that small hospital room.
It was another comrade, someone important, that he had lost, like so many others.
The Captain, Dixxon, Trowa.

Some would die, others like Ralph, would just leave.

He all the time they spent, as part of the same unit. Trowa had envied Ralph, he had everything that he ever wanted. Maybe, it was that, they were all the same things that blonde girl on the windswept hill said that he didn’t have.
Ralph would spend his time on leave, going with the others to what ever nearby town they could get to. At night they would go to the bar, together, and they would drink, some would find local girl to talk to. They would laugh, and talk.
Trowa usually stayed in camp, normally taking up guard duty, or just left by himself.
The way it seemed, everyone else had someone. They had something more.
They weren’t just nameless soldiers. They had names. The had families, they had people they loved and cared about, who wanted them to come home.
They had enemies for them to fight, not just the next target on the battlefield.
It always left feeling alone, and empty.
Maybe they did make for the perfect soldier.
But it always such a cold and lonely way to live.

The darkness, the cold. Trowa could almost feel it all again.

He had wondered, deep down. He still couldn’t shake the memories about what happened.
Even as time goes by.
The memories, they just never seemed to fade.

Trowa could feel some movement on the bed, as he could feel Midii as she crawled towards him.
She creeped up behind him, moving beside him.
“You’re still awake.” She spoke in a barely audible whisper as, she swept the hair away from her face.
Trowa moved his head slightly.
“Is everything all right?” She spoke, moving closer beside him.
Trowa looked at her, “Yeah, just was thinking about something. I was thinking, about something that had happened a long time ago.”
Midii looked away from him. “I’m sorry.”
Trowa moved his hand, touch her cheek, brushing the hair away from the side of her face.
“It’s all right.”
Midii looked at Trowa, deep inside his emerald eyes, she could see the pain welling inside of him.

Trowa knew that there was no way for him to ever go back, there was nothing left for him to go back to.
But even after all the horrors and the pain, he had been able to build his future, start a new life, start a family, everything that he had always wanted.

She touched his arm with her warm hand. “You don’t have to worry.”
She moved her body against his, letting his head lay against her breast.
She held his head, touching the back of his neck, and then running her fingers through his hair.
Trowa closed his eyes, as he could feel her warm touch.
She whispered lightly, “I know how you feel.”
She laid her cheek against his thick brown hair.
They laid back, onto the bed. Midii moved her feet out from under her, and laid back, still holding Trowa in her arms.
She knew how he felt.
She moved her hand back, rubbing his shoulder.
Trowa moved his hand back, to touch her face, he rubbed her cheek.
Midii could remember all those nights before, when the darkness of the night brought back the painful memories, the tears falling down her face.
No matter what happened, you never could completely escape them.
Trowa held her then, all those sleepless night, helping to keep the demons away.
He would always stay awake with her, late into the morning hours, just holding her, and comforting her.
“Its okay to feel this way.”
Trowa moved his head slightly. “Midii.”
Midii moved away, to pull the covers over them.
“I’m here with you. You don’t have to worry.”
Trowa said, his voice was softer then usual, less composed,  “It was just something that happened. I didn’t..............I didn’t......I....the darkness, the cold..........Zero......so cold.”
Trowa stopped, as he searched for the words, even there were really no words left.
He finally said, “It just doesn’t seem right.”
Midii said trying to comfort him, “I know, you go through it over and over again in your mind, trying to make sense of it all.”
Trowa closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Midii, “It’s all going to be all right. You don’t have to say anything..”
She could feel his hand he touched her stomach.
_____________________________


Catherine held the knife up to the light, looking at her reflection in the cold steel.
A perfect shine.
She always made sure that the blades had been polished, just so the crowd could see the shimmer on the light, to give them the real sense of excitement.
It was never any fun unless there was some source of danger or fear.
She smiled to herself as she thought about it, looking at the razor sharp edge.
The set had was specially made, each one was perfectly weighted.
She had spent endless hours making sure that they were ready for the next show, making sure they were razor sharp and fully polished.
She wanted to make sure that they would be ready for the next tour.
She placed it down, back into the leather case with the others in the set.

She remembered back, to one night when she had dinner with Ordway.
That night, when they had gone out, after one too many glasses of wine, she remembered teasing him that he should consider being part of his act, that always were looking for volunteers.
“Well, maybe someday.”
She could remember the sound of his voice.
That same night. That very same night.
She remembered standing with him on the front steps of the house.
He had to leave, he had an early assignment the next morning.
They stood together in the pale light, in the glow from the porch light.
He had leaned into her, kissing her neck, below the ear.
For a moment she could feel his cheek against hers.
He had looked at her earring.
“You’re my star.” He whispered softly into her ear.
Those words.
She could almost still feel his touch, the way his lips felt.
She remembered him, as he disappeared into the darkness.

Catherine sighed, as she closed the knife case, taking extra care to make sure it was clasped shut.
She looked at her reflection in the mirror, and took off her earring and placed it on the table.
She still missed him so much.

She thought for a moment, to back to the cemetery.
Seeing the woman with the long blonde hair.
Someone who last lost someone that she had loved.
Maybe it was someone like her.

Catherine listened for a moment. The house was quiet.
Midii’s two youngest brothers had gone to bed a few hours ago, and since there wasn’t any sound, nor them coming into see ‘Aunt’ Cathy to hear one of her stories from the circus, they were probably asleep.
Trowa and Midii were probably already asleep.
Not even a sound from Marie’s room.
And Johnnie..................he had been gone before she had even gotten back from her tour.
No one was quite sure when he would be coming home.
She turned off the light. She got up and walked slowly across the room to her bed.
She laid down on the left side, sliding off her slippers, and nestled herself under the blankets.
It felt so good to be on a soft mattress, rather then the time worn one in her trailer.
She stretched her tense body, her slender body against the smooth sheets.
She turned on her side, and felt the empty spot beside her.

To be continued.