Falling Apart by Captain Anonymous It was before the first light of the day. There was a light mist in the air, as the rain had finally stopped. Johnnie stood on the wet grass, looking at the house for a moment. It was dark, there was no one awake. He used to leave the middle of the night, what felt like a lifetime ago, walking the dark streets at night, try to forget his own guilt. He would walk all night, walk until his feet were sore, and come home, usually around this time. He hadn’t been home for so long. Johnnie walked across towards the side of the house. He felt in his pocket, touching the metal of the switchblade. He stopped for a moment, knowing that he didn’t have his key. Johnnie sighed, as he came to the realization that he had left it in Marlene’s room. He didn’t want to wake anyone, it would be dawn soon anyway. He waited at the side of the house, away from the street lamps and the headlight of the occasional passing car. He leaned against the siding, and closed his eyes. He kept trying to put all of this out of his mind, just forget about it all for a few hours. Quiet. Darkness. He was alone, nothing. Everyone else was probably asleep. He never could sleep much anymore. The guilt was still inside of him. He wondered if Catherine was awake now. Johnnie could remember he violet eyes, the way look into him. God, with all that had happened, he seemed to lose to sight of her. The memories were still there, he knew that he would never forgive himself, not now, not ever. His anger towards Lady had blinded him of that, reminding him of why all this started for him in the first place. Maybe deep down they were somewhat alike. In some sort of way, some form. Johnnie knew the reason that he pulled the trigger that day. He knew that it was still never going to be right, regardless of why he did it. It was burden that he would have to carry with him. Lady had killed, left hundreds of dead in her wake as an OZ officers. She did it all a different reason, not for the love of her family, the people that took her in. She did it for Trieze’s love. The leader of OZ. But he was gone now, fallen in battle, during the final shots of the last great war. Lady had lost him. There was a painful irony to it all. Johnnie could feel the cool morning air around him. He didn’t want to see Midii hurt by Lady, he didn’t know if she was telling the truth. Maybe she was right, and wasn’t going to hurt her again. Johnnie looked into the night sky, maybe he was doing the right thing, and not just chasing the shadows of ghosts that had long since faded. There was light the sky, as the morning sun broke through the clouds. ---------------------- Midii stood outside the door, she took a deep breathe. So this was it. Trowa stood beside her. Trowa said softly, “I’ll be near.” There wasn’t anything else Trowa could do but wait. Midii smiled, Trowa could see the light in her eyes. “Thank you.” Midii gently knocked on the wooden door, the sound echoed through the hallway. She could hear the sound of her brothers voice, “Come in.” Midii opened the door, and looked inside the room. Her eyes looked over the room, until she could see Johnnie. He stood by the window, his back turned towards her. Midii closed the door behind her, making sure to leave it open part way. Most of the time when she came into Johnnie’s room, the shade was closed, blocking out all of the light. Now it was open. She walked across the floor towards him, as he stared outside. He looked out, maybe not looking at anything. The clouds from the night before had cleared, the sky was blue, and clear now. Johnnie spoke softly, “I’m sorry that I was gone for so long.” Midii looked down at the hardwood floor, “I know that you’ve been able to care of yourself for a long time now, but I was still worried about you.” Johnnie still wasn’t able to look at her. “I needed some time.” Midii looked at him, she knew how he felt. She understood the pain, she gone through the same emotions. Johnnie took a breathe, closing his tightly as he thought about what he was going to say. Midii spoke softly, “I really didn’t want to see you get hurt by all of this. I care a lot about you.” “I know. I didn’t it want to come to this. I love you, and I just couldn’t get past it.” Johnnie could feel his skin become warm, and his heart begin to beat faster. He held back his emotions the best he could. “I.............I........I saw Lady.” Midii looked at her brother, “Really?” “Yeah. Right after I left here.” It took a moment for what he said to come together, for herself to believe it. “I just had to see her. To find out for myself.” Johnnie turned towards his sister, leaving his back to the window. “I thought that when I saw her, that I would know, that I would know just how to feel. I could find out all the answers right there.” Midii moved closer to him. She could feel the pain inside of him. Johnnie finally looked at her, “There was...........there were no an there. It just wasn’t that simple.” Midii looked at him, “I know.” Johnnie said, “I just didn’t want to see you get hurt again Midii. God, after everything that happened, you’ve rebuilt your life. A family, a home. People who love you. I just didn’t want to see you lose all that again to her. Not again. I couldn’t let her tear us all apart again.” Johnnie closed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. “I never wanted to hurt you in all of this.” Midii said softly, “It’ll be all right.” Johnnie shook his head. He silently mouthed, “It’s not............It’s not.” --------------------- It was late afternoon, as Johnnie looked towards the setting sun. He could feel the weight of his head as the time of day worn on. Downstairs he could hear all the familiar voices. Trowa, Midii, Catherine, his brothers, as they got ready for dinner. Johnnie just stared out the window, he couldn’t bring himself to move, to go downstairs and be with them. He looked away from the setting sun and sat down on the edge of the bed, as the light danced on the walls. Johnnie laid back resting his head, staring blankly at the ceiling. He reached for his coat, pulling out the switchblade. There was snapping sound as the blade extended, and glistened in the light. He looked at it, watching the reflection the sharpened gundanium blade. Johnnie stared silently at the blade, listening the soft sounds as they echoed through the hallway. He wasn't going to be staying much longer. To be continued